Dear Diary,
I don't even know how to start this entry. I was so excited to take pictures this weekend of all the fun times I was having in Rosarito with Antonio and his parents. Pictures like this one on the beach where we took Elvis to run around off the leash for the first time.
Look how much fun the little boy is having!
These were the pictures I was looking for when I discovered something that would change the course of my relationship.
We were at breakfast with his sweet parents when I asked him if I could see his phone to look at the pictures of us on the beach. He hands it over and the first picture I see brought me to my knees. It was a naked woman laying on her stomach in a room that looked a lot like ours. I won't go into details but there were other photos from the night before. I had gone to bed because I was done for the night. When you don't drink, you get kind of bored easily. He went to the bar to have a drink with is dad. What transpired that night ruined us. He claims he was so drunk he didn't know he even took the pictures. Well, guess what, buddy, you did. How dumb. And you know the first thought I had was "What is wrong with ME? Why did he have to go with her?" Ugh.
So there we are at this quaint little breakfast spot where this sign cracked me up a few minutes before...."Buisquits."
And, now, I was left holding a phone across from his parents. I had to hold it together. What was I going to do? I had no ride home. So, I controlled myself and let him talk to me about it all and give his excuses and then fall asleep in the backseat with his legs wrapped around mine. "Hold it together, hold it together."
Even when we got home, I didn't go crazy. Quite the opposite. I am very calm about this whole thing. I haven't really cried all that much. I am still processing. I don't hate him or want to hurt his stuff. I packed up some things of his here at the hotel and left them at the front desk. It's not healthy for me to be around him now. He's not a bad guy. I still love him which is kind of sick, but you don't just stop loving someone like that (snap of a finger.)
Stuff happens. People break up. It's not the end of the world. Forgive me if this entry isn't all rainbows and unicorns. I have to keep it real. I'm not the only one in the world this had ever happened to. I thought I could forgive and forget, but it's not that easy. For now, this is how it has to be. We talk all about this on my podcast tonight. Here's a link in case you wanna listen. It helps to talk it out and write it out.
Ya know, he isn't even trying to knock down my door to apologize, to win me back. That should speak volumes.
See you later, Diary.