I wasn’t given the tools to be FEARLESS.
And… maybe you don’t have them either…yet. But I’m here hoping that I can help you with that today.
My parents divorced when I was 2 – I didn’t see my dad much growing up.
I was a victim in a shooting, when my mom was dating a drug dealer.
My mom and stepdad, when she got remarried... together made about 14K per year... that meant I couldn't rely on them for financial support.
I was from a small town where you were made fun of and hated if you were gay
– which I am.
I grew up in an extremely religious family where personal opinions and choice…. not really encouraged.
My mom has borderline personality disorder. Which is kinda like living with an alcoholic, you never knew when the other show was going to drop and she would go into a rage. She wasn't really capable of making me feel smart, capable, or beautiful – but she did the best she could raising four kids.
I had to figure out to be confident on my own.
Now, I know, I’m all those things, I am smart a\nd capable and beautiful.
Maybe you need to know that too.
You are smart, capable and beautiful.
We all have obstacles.
We all face obstacles, Selena Gomez had a kidney transplant, Shawn Mendes just started getting mental health treatments… I bet you have an obstacle in your life right now.
Something that’s weighing heavy on your mind that you are trying to figure out or that you are confused about …and they keeps you from being fearless.
So how do you overcome the obstacles?
How did I overcome the obstacles… ??
Raise your hand if you have an obstacle in your life right now.
THE NUMBER ONE OBSTACLE WE ALL ARE WORKING ON EVERYDAY…THE RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES, IT’S WHAT HOLDS US BACK THE MOST.
My biggest obstacle for a long time in my life — keeping me from being fearless, was that I was continually mean to myself.
I was a master at self sabotage….—— negative self talk, and I can still slide into that.
Why would you ever be mean to yourself, or critical of yourself.. ?? there are plenty of people who are going to be mean to you.
You have to be your own cheerleader.
I would tell myself I wasn’t pretty, or I was lame, or fat.. or whatever because that’s what I had been taught to believe about my self…. I was always getting in my way, thinking that I didn’t deserve success or fame, or attention or whatever. Sometimes I still do that…. it took me forever to come out on the radio because I thought people wouldn’t approve or love me.
I realized eventually … … I had to give approval and love to myself if I was going to continue to do what I loved doing….…. .
When I met my wife 13 years ago… we got married 3 years ago… and one of the most profound things she taught me was how to love myself more -
and it started with a simple story… and I want to share it with you.
It’s a Cherokee Legend, Myth….
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy. OR.. our best friend.
Next time you have a negative thought, catch it and ask yourself, “What is this thought doing for me?”
Apply that to anything.
Is this negative friend helping me or hurting me?
Is worrying about not getting enough insta likes, helping or hurting?
Not being happy with a selfie that you posted cause you think you don’t look good… helping or hurting?
You will find that the answer is that all that negative talk is disempowering you.
It’s keeping you from trying out for something, or being creative, or trying something new, or taking a chance…… or talking to someone …….. negative self talk…. keeps you from being fearless.
If you take away anything from today….. use this.
I think it will be easy to remember….. to help you be fearless, in your pass to success.
The 7 P’s
Put in the WORK - do you think people who succeed on youtube get it right on the first time out
Perseverance - you gotta stick with it.. sometimes it’s gonna take a while, but hang in there..
– I try not to walk into any situation without knowing what it is.. I have a rule when I’m interviewing someone that …before I ask a question, I better already have an idea of what the answer is going to be. Great architects don’t wing it. Have a plan. For our show, it may sound like it’s all spur of the moment, it’s not. We know what we are going to do the day before.
PUT in the WORK
- Pitbull has a lot of positive saysings…including Talento - you can have talent, but if you don’t put in the work… you’re not gonna make it. I have worked hard, overtime, weekends, learned things that weren’t even my job.
Work on yourself too…...Build your confidence!
Do something fun or scary, be nice to yourself, help someone else, care for yourself, say no when you need to.
Find your THANG. … what do you like to do? What are you good at?
I don’t think it’s ever too early to start thinking about what you want and who you wanna be. When I was five I was walking around recording people, asking them questions, … and by the time I was in high school I had a tv show.
That is who I wanted to be and so I surrounded myself with activities that would make me into that person.
So… who do you want to be? Don’t wait.. go ahead and dream big.
My motivation as a kid was to get away from my home situation …and so I focused on school, homework, activities,
And… yes, I’ve had a crazy fun career doing something I love …I get to make people smile, be creative, meet awesome people, I’ve lived and worked in DC, Seattle, and San Diego. I’ve worked with Jesse Lozano for 6 years and he’s an amazing man, legends like Howard Stern and Jeff and Jer. I’ve help raised millions of dollars for hundreds of charity’s, probably given away a million dollars in prizes. I’ve met and interviewed so many celebs, J Lo, Demi Lovato, Channing Tatum, Chris Evans, Adam Levine…. Whoopi Goldberg.. . you name it… and I can probably tell you a story. I love my life and my job.
– starting with you. As we talked about earlier.
Start with being good to you, kind to you, learning to love you.
Mentors can be a huge help to you.….Someone who can help you find your voice, and help you define yourself so you can be fearless. my aunts who showed me a different way of being and living… they were my mentors…….. because I wanted something different for me.
It doesn’t matter who is.. mom dad, teacher, friend, me… reach out to me on instagram … @delanabennett – just find someone who can help you .. to help you find your voice.
— this one covers a lot ….
Don’t waste who you are.. have pride in who you are - because we all have something to give that is unique.
Look up the who the internet calls the ugliest woman in the world, who is now an author, motivational speaker and one of the most inspirational women I’ve seen speak. her name is Lizzie Valasquez. You’ll be inspired.
I think lately we know a lot about that… and things are getting better…. people are going to try to bully you into saying yes….
Stand your ground and learn to say no…..
I’m a scuba diver … you see sharks quite a bit - if you are circled by sharks, you stand your ground and punch them in the nose if they come too close. Same with bullies that are trying to push you into something you don’t want to do.
- you gotta stick with it.. sometimes it’s gonna take a while, but hang in there.. not gonna be easy, but keep working at it.
So you need to make a choice right now.
Are you going to be the person who walks in with a smile and positivity who can get it done, or are you going to be the negative ..the person whose always complaining and making excuses?
Are you going to be a bassass, or are you going to sit on your ass and make excuses?
Are you going to say you can or ….are you going to say you can’t?
Are you going to walk around, over, thru obstacles, or get stuck behind that wall?
Up to you.
But … I say go with being a bassass.
And... one more note on love:
Carrie Bradshaw … in Sex and the City … The most exciting challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself, and if you find someone to love the you, you love, well that’s just fabulous!