You Perfected Talking, But Do You Listen?

When your friends says something you did hurt them, what is the next move? How do you respond? Do you tell them they hurt you too? Do you apologize?

It happened in 2019. I exploded at a friend, someone I loved like family. We were able to repair what was "broken", but the friendship changed. It wasn't a bad thing either. Then, I was able to witness two friends fight, and I was outside looking in. When friends fight especially friends with a long history, there are key things to know before confrontation. I found an article and I think the most important thing to do is LISTEN!

Just my Two Cents. Take it or leave it.


Effective communication

Effective communication involves two parts: presenting information and active listening. Without both, resolving conflict is impossible, as is maintaining your friendships. Practice these skills:

  • Think before speaking. Know exactly what message you want to convey.
  • Make sure your friend has your full attention and understands your meaning.
  • Stay focused on the matter at hand.
  • Be clear and precise.
  • Listen to yourself speak.
  • Be aware of your body movement, voice inflection, facial expressions and other nonverbal cues.

When listening:

  • Pay attention to what your friend is saying and acknowledge your interest and understanding in what your friend is saying.
  • Listen for what is behind the words—like feelings and ideas.
  • Do not interrupt, get angry or judge.

When resolving conflict, keep these additional communication tips in mind:

  • Remain calm. Recognize when you are becoming defensive or too emotional.
  • Do not blame or accuse each other.
  • Focus on the issue at hand, not the way you are feeling toward each other.
  • Explore underlying issues.
  • Accept that each other’s perspective is different, but not wrong.
  • Be willing to apologize and forgive.


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