I'm So Sad:(

Dear Diary,

I know this isn't the way to start a diary, a holiday season diary, but I am so sad I could start crying again right now. I just found out that Charlie will not be coming home for Christmas break. He has to work and can't get the time off.

I'm mad at him for not dealing with this sooner and I'm disappointed in myself that I don't have the money to give my kid so he can just be a college kid and not have to work. It sucks...it really sucks. I miss him so very much. I haven't seen his face in person since early August. I just cleaned out his room and got it all ready to rent out and that was sad, but it's still his room, as of now!!!

I wish I could drive up there and surprise him, but I just can't leave. I have to work, too.

I feel like he needs his family right now. It's just a mother's intuition. I feel it in my bones. He needs to be with us. Maybe he will get a new job that starts in January and he can quit his current job at the coffee shop. That's our only hope.

Ya know, I appreciate people who give me advice about my life right now. I really do, but I just can't "be patient" and "stay strong" much longer. I've learned to give it up to God, but maybe he just hasn't had time to help me. There are other people who need it way more than I do. That's for sure.

Now, onto my next child, Evan Elisabeth. She auditioned for Rent, a 14-20 year old cast. She was so nervous and she practiced her songs so diligently. I so wish I could play you the video of her coming out of the audition, in the rain, crying because she got a call-back for Maureen, her dream role, but she won't let me. Here's a pic of her before she went in.

Evan Audition

She went the next day to audition again, but didn't make the cut. She took it well. She tried her best. I told her that she's going to get a lot of "no's" before she gets a "yes" in this business. She seems to understand this.

I'm not sure where this girl came from but it is full of sunshine and rainbows and good things. She's a brand new soul, that's for sure. I mean, look at the kind of texts she sends me!

Evan Text

I am very lucky. I realize that.

Oh, so you want to see the landslide that I actually heard hit the side of my duplex while it was raining? It was scary!


Despite the mud, Antonio Banderas and I had so much fun this weekend just hanging out by the fire pit. Those logs you buy at the store burn for three hours and we never sit out there long enough to watch it burn out, So Antonio had the great idea of chopping them in half. Look at this tiny fire! It's half a log! haha!

tiny fire

Things are good with me and Antonio. He's a great person. I'm starting to see it more and more in the things he does and says. He's true to his word and that is huge. Not to mention that he's easy on the eyes. We went to TJ again this weekend to drop some stuff off and visit his friends.

me and Antonio
me and Antonio

Oh, in the spirit of Def Leppard, Motley Crue and Poison coming to town, here's a picture of me and Tommy taken by Bret Michaels! WTH were we thinking?? hahaha

Tommy, me and Bret

I want to end this Diary with something a friend posted on her facebook page awhile back. I love it and I hope it rings true for me.


See you next week, Diary. Oh, here is a song I am obsessed with at the moment . It's not a new song. I just love it, though, and I've been listening to it non-stop. Here's the video.

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