I'm Not Going To Be Ok.

Dear Diary,

I'm gearing up for a very tearful August. Evan leaves for college in NYC on the 27th and it's coming at a crazy speed. I feel like just a week ago I had enough time with her, but I don't. I cry if someone looks at me wrong. Heck, I cry on the floor of my room when I'm getting ready. I am a mess. This empty-nester thing is no joke. I can't imagine my life without my sidekick, my buddy, my little lady, my baby by my side. Sure, she drives me nuts sometimes. Sure, it gets old driving her absolutely everywhere (she doesn't have her license yet.) Sure, I am looking forward to some "me" time. But, it's just not sitting well with me. There are no more school nights. No more dinners to make for the kids. No more hearing her sing in the shower on the daily. I'm crying right now, as a matter of fact.

Don't get me wrong. I am so excited for her to start her college life in NYC at Fordham University. I can't even wait to see and hear what she accomplishes in her first year. This is what is supposed to happen in life. We raise our babies to fly the nest when they become adults. This doesn't make it easier.

This weekend, we had a little going away party for her at Spreckels Park in Coronado. Lots of family and friends came to say their goodbyes. Evan even cried at one point. It's starting to hit her, too. Here are some pics from the party.

That was Saturday. On Sunday, my mom, sis, nephew, and niece came down to say their farewells. It was nice. Even Alfie joined in the fun. We went to lunch, then we cruised around the Coronado Ferry Landing, then back home to watch our show 90 Day Fiance. Alfie even watched that with us. He's so kind and so patient and chill, isn't he? It's not easy dating me. Haha.

The other big news in my life is that I have a new roommate. A guy! He's a 29-year-old Serbian man and I already like him a lot. He's super easy going and he even sat with me in the living room Friday night and watched "Keep Breathing" with me on Netflix. I realized while we were sitting there that he could technically be my son. Kinda weird. My last roommate, who we loved so much, had to move back to Spain at the last minute. She gave me two weeks' notice because of some impossible circumstances. That left so little time to find someone. The only people who responded to my ad on Spareroom.com were men! I knew when I met him that he was the one. Nothing but positive good vibes. My gut is usually correct.

So, that leaves me with a strange man in Charlie's room and nobody in Evan's room. It's gonna be so weird. I've lived in my current place for almost 10 years! I practically raised my kids there.

Alfie thinks that once Evan is in NYC I will be able to develop a new routine, maybe even start exercising again, maybe even get a fourth job. Who knows? I gotta keep busy.

I have a few questions for ya now. Do these glasses look cute on me? They are fake Louis Vuitton blue blockers. I can't decide if they're cool or not.

And, I try to send a kissy face picture to Alfie every once in a while but I can never get it right. I always feel like I look weird. Does this look dumb? Do I look freakish or is it so cute that he needs to see it right now? haha

This is on the short side as far as Diary entries go. I just wanted to get one out there since I've been absent for a minute. I'm headed out to take this boy to the dog park.

This is where he sits when he comes to work with me. This morning at 4:25 am, I brought out the leash and he ran upstairs and hid under the bed. I'm thinking these early mornings are not his jam. He seems to love it when he's here. Oh well, this morning he just wasn't feeling it.

Oh, tonight, my podcast is live on YouTube and IG at 7 pm. Evan is going to be on to thank everybody for donating to her college fund. What an awesome thing. I am beyond grateful for each and every person who so generously gave to her. It makes me want to cry. Here's a link to the last podcast.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I really like you!

See you later, Diary

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